The Perfect Getup For A Day At The Cemetery

With the season of ching ming well on its way, its only logical that we gear ourselves with the ultimate survival outfit that would guaranteed to fought all mortal evils at the cemetery (aka the pushy ah soh fighting for a spot to 'chap' her three hundred sticks of joysticks) and make it thru the day without any trace of sweaty armpits and mud stained trousers. Remember, its all about being glamorous while doing the miniscule of things, without compromising ones well being in the social ladder. Anyhoo, back to the business at hand, the utmost important must-have would be the uv protected all round big ass sunglasses that should never, never leave ones face upon arriving at the cemetery's parking lot. And with the ozone layer thinning away quicker than bragelina can adopt another third world child to be their own (hate her and all her lips with the power of a thousand sun), its only wise to slap on a good measure of sunscreen all over, to avoid looking like a half-baked puerto rican. I recommend carrying one of those travel size ones for easy access. Now, the third thing on the list would be the ideal shoe. Military boots would be perfect for an occasion like this, seeing that its been raining religiously every evening, it makes tracking thru the cemetery hunting for your gram’s grave easier. Also, the whole saving-private-ryan-look is very becoming this season, flaunting thru many runways for spring 2010, which i'm sure even the ever divine uncle karl of chanel heaven would approve. And for the rest of the outfit, it should consist of an old beat up pair of skinnies to maximize keeping mud at bay, and some random cotton round necks of your choice. Try not to look too fancy to avoid looking like you're actually enjoying yourself at the cemetery coz' that would be just sad, but not too shabby also to be mistaken as a member of the decease. Opt for colors that are of the earth tone hues like dried-up-mud beige, not-enough-chlorophyll green or tombstone grey to heighten the whole military look at its best. With all these in gear, it’s a surefire that you'll be burning joystick in style before you know it!

Remember, you can always stay religious without looking like a monk. Like how paris hilton would put it, 'Dress cute wherever you go, life is too short to blend in'

Au revoir!

Texts from HELL!!

I was spring cleaning my mobile for the new year (i know, this post is three months late!!), when i came across truck loads of the shiteous texts EVER from my good-for-nothing friends. Idle hands are truly evil workshop!

'Fuck You'
* from Office Bitch, 9 Dec '08

'Alas, my frail self has succumb to this wretched illness. And it has reduced me to nothing more than a menial vegetable, unable to move. So here i will lay, confined by these four walls as i await for the help to return with the good doctor. I pray you have a good day'
* from Lady Yessica, 18 Dec '08

'What sweet words from your courteous yet humble self, dear mr wanna, great knight of the faggotary puff. I will be looking forward to seeing you tonight at the grand ball'
* from Lady Yessica, 20 Dec '08

'My vijayjay does suction tricks with my boyfriend and he loves it'
* from Drama Queen, 21 Dec '08

'Fact of the matter is you'll hate to lose a lifetime of free rides'
* from Drama Queen, 28th Dec '08, in regards to my endless pursuit to get a driving license.

'Ayam kambing bag'
* from Michelle, 21st April '09

'Talk to me, leave me alone!'
* from Soo, 3rd May '09. I have no idea what drove him to texting me such nonsense.

'Hello and how is our fine sexay mama of exotic proportions doing on this equally fine and sexay steamy hot saturday afternoon? Surely you must be basking yourself in your exquisite godliness. It has been moons since i've the luxury of experiencing your intense godlike aura'
* from Lady Yessica, 30th May '09

'I looove u too? Has your sperm been going anywhere worthy? Tissues? Datuks hands? Bathroom walls? Miss u bitch!'
* from Code Name Candy, 18th Aug '09

'Did your face get scratched? Are you ugly?'
* from Code Name Candy, 22nd Aug '09, in regards to my air bag explosion tragedy on a highway.

'Sorry i know i should care... but i am so busy with my big huge giant job. If u start drooling, get blur vision or think for a second you are a man, please hospitalize yourself...PETA have free rooms'
* from Code Name Candy, 22nd Aug '09, in regards to my air bag explosion tragedy on a highway.

'Hey you... I have a gift for you. It's my number! Ta-Da! Do you like it? :P'
* from Dave, The Barbarian, 30th Aug '09

'Whenever I have any free time I shall give a random woman a visit'
* from Lord Jesus, 5th Oct '09. Never mind him. He's generally a slut.

'Oh my god, i'm so excited! She's actually not in the same standings as a bangla anymore hahaha'
* from Hamtaro, 10th Nov '09, in regards to lady yessica getting her identification card done after many many years of losing it.

'And now, if she's ever caught by police and has to do naked squats in prison, at least she has rights to go complaining to MCA. Last time, no ic cannots!'
* from Hamtaro, 10th Nov '09, in regards to lady yessica getting her identification card done after many many years of losing it.

'I also think the brands chicken thing is good for me. Look at how much booze i can consume today'
* from Lady Yessica, 11th Nov '09

And yes, i was a blondie for a day. Couldn't handle all the fun that came with the shade :P