"So does that mean you won't be having any children?" a friend of mine asked me a while ago over one too many drinks. At that time, i was a bit too tipsy myself to even register what he have just utter and with a fashionably wave of my hand, i simply disregard his concern and hit the dance floor to the tune of the royal gigolos. However, that one particular question have kept me laying in bed lately, staring out at the stormy sky, thinking about the choices i have made and the opportunities i have missed to be who i am today. And if i were to be really true to myself, a part of me have never stop asking if this is what i really want in life? Have i no remorse in doing what i am doing now? Have i no shame in breaking the hearts of people who have insured hope and faith in me? Am i that inhuman? Have i no compassion?
Call me the champion faggot, the man loving gay, the occasional sister or whatever name you can find in the book, i don't really care. To tell you the truth, i'm not proud of who i am but i don't have any problem about it either. And if being gay is equally as sinful as raping an innocent child or killing the entire population of rhinos in africa, well, by all means charge me, drag me and strap me against the electric chair and allow me to push the power button myself. I have sin then. But that's not the case here. Being gay is biological. It's not something that you can force a person to feel or react to. It's not a choice or a personal preference; you either got it or you don't. It doesn't make us any different than the next person in the bus. We still live by the same rule, given the same rights and deserve the same respect offered to any other human being.
I've learn to live my life by my own expectation and as long as i'm not harming anyone and i'm able to go through each day without regretting what i'm doing and knowing that i've put others in my best interest, i'm content enough. So maybe my parents won't be having any daughter-in-law from me after all, but it doesn't mean i love them less. A child's love to his parents is undivided. Unconditional. Now and forever.
And yes, i'm gonna somehow have my own kid someday and i'll probably name him brad. After brad pitt of course. I always did like his boyish please-touch-me look!
Can i hide underneath the bubbles?
Call me the champion faggot, the man loving gay, the occasional sister or whatever name you can find in the book, i don't really care. To tell you the truth, i'm not proud of who i am but i don't have any problem about it either. And if being gay is equally as sinful as raping an innocent child or killing the entire population of rhinos in africa, well, by all means charge me, drag me and strap me against the electric chair and allow me to push the power button myself. I have sin then. But that's not the case here. Being gay is biological. It's not something that you can force a person to feel or react to. It's not a choice or a personal preference; you either got it or you don't. It doesn't make us any different than the next person in the bus. We still live by the same rule, given the same rights and deserve the same respect offered to any other human being.
I've learn to live my life by my own expectation and as long as i'm not harming anyone and i'm able to go through each day without regretting what i'm doing and knowing that i've put others in my best interest, i'm content enough. So maybe my parents won't be having any daughter-in-law from me after all, but it doesn't mean i love them less. A child's love to his parents is undivided. Unconditional. Now and forever.
And yes, i'm gonna somehow have my own kid someday and i'll probably name him brad. After brad pitt of course. I always did like his boyish please-touch-me look!
Can i hide underneath the bubbles?
2 comments:
i'll have your baby!!!!!! :D
hopefully not so soon ya. i wouldn't want to have stretch mark on my body just yet. Aww
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