Am i lonely?

Someone dear to me asked me a few nights away, 'Am i lonely?' Well. I am. And it gets worst when i lay down on my bed every night cause it feels empty. Empty from inside, as though i've never felt loved. But i know i should be thankful. Thankful for being apart of a loving family, thankful for having friends that really cares and thankful for being here at this moment. But why is it that there's this hollow feeling stabbing right through my heart, scarring pass my conscious, and whispering eagerly to be love? To be love by someone i can call my own. To be given that special attention again. And to be able to know that nothing in the world matters when that special someone steps into the room. So i guess the answer is right, i am lonely.

And there are times when it gets so bad, when the feeling gets so overwhelming that i drown myself with work to get away from it all. And it works. Once. Twice. But how long am i going to lie to myself? How long can i stay pretending that everything is alright, and its all part of a bigger plan? Cause frankly, its not working for me. I still lay down on my bed every night, with that same empty feeling, echoing me to sleep. Without fail. Every night.

Everything ME

I'm bored, therefore i think i shall tag myself with another meme. Sad i know, but its okay. I stole this off from him, who owns a dainty little blog not far from mine. And while you're there, go look at his profile picture, i think he's quite cute. In fact, he looks almost like one of my fling, dhl guy. I wonder what he's doing now...

1. I've come to realise that my last kiss was sweeter than i remember. Enough said.

2. I am listening to the growling sound of my stomach. I need food. And i need it now. Hungry la...

3. I talk to myself when i think no one is watching. I sometime even have conversations with myself. I'm just stupid. I know.

4. I love colouring the sky with my imaginary brush, while laying on the grass on a empty field. I do that a lot when i was younger, back home on the island. I miss those times.

5. My best friends are either alcoholic or with severe ocd tendency. I really need a new set of friends.

6. My car is with my ex-boyfriend. Don't ask. Won't tell. Can't explain.

7. My love life is too complicated to understand. But as far as i remember, i'm still single and loving every minute of it. Of course there are times that i wish there was someone else to share my laughters with, but this things are difficult and i've learn to live without it. I'll be happier that way.

8. I hate it when people ask for my identification card while trying to get into a club. Or while buying drinks at chili's for that matters. I'm twenty six, so leave me alone. Do i look like some underage slut trying to get drunk on a weekday? Oh, please...!

9. Love is not something to be taken for granted.

10. Marriage is lingering in my thoughts as of late. I think age is catching up and its about time i get hitch. Any takers?

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking what the heck is wrong with me and my obsession with everything pink.

12. I'm always thinking of taking the next flight out to some place far away, where i could be who i am and do what i like. No more expectation. No more being judge upon.

13. I have a secret cheesy crush on victoria beckham. I think her melons are just fantabulous!

14. My cell phone is stupid and permanently on shutting down mode.

15. When I wake up in the morning, i always remind myself why the heck do i even bother doing what i'm doing now. Then it all become clear to me. I need the money. Its the only motivation.

16. When I go to bed at night, i wish i have someone else to share the bed with, someone i could cuddle up to, other than my mr bean bear.

17. Right now I am thinking about going for a beer with the girls. But its only eleven in the morning. A tad too early for alcohol. I'll call them at noon.

18. Babies are, the cutest thing ever! Ask discoball pixie and she'll tell you ALL about them. Just make sure you have ear plugs. She's an obsessed godmother.

19. I get on MySpace, if only i have an account there. I'm too lazy to maintain anything other than this blog, hence i have no friendster, hiFive or myspace accounts.

20. Today I am at work. I know its a saturday, but i need to work up to my workaholic status. I have a reputation to keep, you know.

21. Tonight I will still be working while half of my friends would be partying their arse off at malacca.

22. Tomorrow I will also be working, because i have nothing better to do. Maybe i'll swing by to toys r' us to get some mask for halloween.

23. I really want to eat kentucky fried chicken. I've been off fast food for the past half a month and i can't take it no more! Diets and detox are no fun.

24. Someone that will most likely repost this is going to have an headache filling up this meme.

i think i'm so cute!

Proof!

Didn't i mentioned over and over again that i'm super duper famous? Here's me and my peeps glam-ing it up on the cover of our debut single, scheduled to release by end of the year. Move along greenday, coz NO'Sync is in the house yo!

Autograph anyone?

Are you Hamsap enough?

Have you ever have the feeling of being punched in the stomach, squashed into a corner, gagged and left suffocating alone? I'm not having a good day. In fact, i'm not having a good week. Will explain later.

Random Fact #02

Remember my little obsession with slightly heavier man, well, lets just say that wasn't the only hidden craving i have. I'm a sucker for straight guys or anyone that's the least gay in the room. Something about having extra testosterone is very comforting and nerve wrecking at the same time. And it would be an additional thrill if they're as fine as mr patrick wilson here. He just oozes sex appeal. Those chiseled jawline, washboard abs, those arms and that smile is enough to mess up my day, like totally! Which explains my new pre-new-year-resolution to lose all those baby fats (hihi) near the tummy, go for a detox plan and focus on all those crunches, push up and back stretch. And i'll probably have to strap on the abtronic more frequent than i'm allowed to. Its all for a better me. Besides, i'm heading off for a beach holiday end of the year, and i need to look super fine in my board shorts. How else would i get the guys, rite!

Eid Mubarak!

I never had so much lemang, chicken rendang, fish serunding and beef kurma in a day! Which i must say ain't helping much with my little plan of sliming down, losing the tummy and embark on a more healthy lifestyle. It all went down the drain during my last raya holiday, back at mr ex-boyfriend's hometown. And before you start asking me why the hack was i there, well, i dunno and i can't figure it out either. Its very complicated and confusing at times. Basically its just hard to back away from a six years relationship and totally cut off from each other. You see, i'm cooking buddies with his mum, gossip partner with his sisters and like a godson to his dad. And spending raya at their home is like a tradition. After all, his mum did gave me my own baju raya this year. How not to go back this year? How la..

I think brown is my colour la. It compliment my skin tone nicely. And from the look of mr ex-boyfriend, i think he certainly agrees! Hahaha..

This is mr ex-boyfriend's brother. Quite cute la. Studying to be a doctor. Can't wait to be on his examination table! Touch me doc mcdreamy, i think i'm sick! Aww..

Oblivion is the new bliss...

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Freedom Fighter

Was talking to a crew while on shoot today, and he somehow show me a part of our asian culture that i thought have lost in the mist of modernization. Two thing first, this is him...

And secondly, yes, i was having my usual single-day-crush on him. Hihi. He's cute la, but all so wrong for me. He's like way off younger than me, way off, thus i'll probably end up babysitting him more likely. But definitely a good eye candy on boring shoots like today. What could be interesting about shooting cloth's movement on a hundred and fifty frame per second in a warehouse studio on a sunday morning? What could possibly be interesting about it?

But anyway, back to him, i was utterly shock to hear that he was engaged, okay, maybe i was more heart broken to be honest. So the boy is taken. Big deal. There are more trees out there in the forest, so just because one is taken doesn't mean its any less for me right? But him being engaged to an arranged bride is jaw-breakingly shocking with a capital J. Argh!! Do people still do arranged marriage in this part of the world? I thought it only happens in paperback novels or movies? Okay, and also in the olden times, where pointy bustline and micro mini is a definite must have for the ladies. But seriously, arranged marriage?!! Aiyoo. What will i do if i was force into an arranged marriage? Think positive. Think positive. Think...

I got at least someone to blame if the marriage fails. My parents, for that matters. But i do like the ideal of getting to know someone only after marrying him and learn to love him for the rest of my life. It's likely to make me appreciate him more...

Irene having a moment...

I'm cute too!

How cool is this! I got myself a doll! All thanks to her!